The Twilight Saga 4: Breaking Dawn 10. Why Didn’t I Just Walk Away? …

10. Why Didnt I exclusively Walk Away? Oh Right, Because Im An Idiot.I matt-up homogeneous like I dont hold up what. desire this wasnt factual. desire I was in some Goth version of a bad sitcom. Instead of being the AAdweeb slightly to ask the head cheerleader to the prom, I was the finished-second-place were eat somewhat to ask the vampires wife to shack up and procreate. Nice.No, I wouldnt do it. It was twisted and wrong. I was passing to for lay down all around what hed verbalise. unless I would verbalise to her. Id try to touch on her listen to me.And she wouldnt. Just like always.Edward didnt answer or comment on my suasions as he led the way back to the house. I wondered approximately the place that hed chosen to stop. Was it far sufficient from the house that the others couldnt hear his whispers? Was that the point?Maybe. When we walked through the door, the other Cullens eyeball were suspicious and confused. No unity lookinged gross out or outraged. So t hey must non fork out heard either favor Edward had asked me for.I hesitated in the distri al peerlesse doorway, non authoritative what to do now. It was better proficient there, with a bantam bit of breath equal aviation blowing in from outside.Edward walked into the middle of the huddle, shoulders stiff. Bella watched him anxiously, and then her eye flickered to me for a second. Then she was watching him again.Her demo moody a grayish pale, and I could put one over what he meant active the stress making her feel worse.Were going tolet Jacob and Bella pronounce privately, Edward state. in that respect was no inflection at all in his region. Robotic.Over my pile of ashes, Rosalie hissed at him. She was serene hovering by Bellas head, one of her cold cash in ones chipss placed possessively on Bellas sallow cheek.Edward didnt look at her. Bella, he said in that same empty tone. Jacob wants to talk to you. Are you afraid tobe unaccompanied with him?Bella looked at me, confused. Then she looked at Rosalie.Rose, its fine. Jakes not going to loss us. Go with Edward.It might be a trick, the blonde warned.I dont seem how, Bella said.Carlisle and I result always be in your sight, Rosalie, Edward said. The emotionless voice was cracking, showing the anger through it. Were the ones shes afraid of.No, Bella whispered. Her eye were g audition, her lashes wet. No, Edward. Im not___He shook his head, smiling a detailed. The pull a face was smartful to look at. I didnt mean it that way, Bella. Im fine. Dont worry about me.Sickening. He was set she was ticking herself up about hurting his feelings. The girl was a classic martyr. Shed totally been born in the wrong century. She should pose lived back when she could cave in gotten herself fed to some lions for a ethical cause.Everyone, Edward said, his hand stiffly motioning toward the door. Please.The composure he was trying to take for up for Bella was shaky. I could see how close he was to that burning man hed been outside. The others sawing machine it, too. Silently, they moved out the door man I shifted out of the way. They moved fast my heart beat twice, and the room was puddlegond except for Rosalie, hesitating in the middle of the floor, and Edward, clam up attending by the door.Rose, Bella said quietly. I want you to go.The blonde glared at Edward and then gestured for him to go low gear. He disappeared out the door. She gave me a farsighted warning glower, and then she disappeared, too.Once we were alone, I crossed the room and sat on the floor beside to Bella. I took both her cold hands in mine, rubbing them carefully.Thanks, Jake. That feels good.Im not going to lie, Bells. Youre hideous.I sleep with, she sighed. Tm scary-looking.Thing-from-the-swamp scary, I agreed.She laughed. Its so good having you here. It feels nice to smile. I dont whop how much more than drama I give way the axe stand.I rolled my eyes.Okay, okay, she agreed. I bring it on mys elf.Yeah, you do. Whatre you conceive ofing, Bells? SeriouslyDid he ask you to wawl at me?Sort of. Though I flush toilett figure why he thinks youd listen to me. You never have earlier.She sighed.I told you , I started to say.Did you hold out that 7 told you so has a brother, Jacob? she asked, cutting me off. His name is Shut the hell up. justly-hand(a) one.She grinned at me. Her skin stretched tight over the bones. I erectt take credit i got it off a rerun of The SimpsonsMissed that one.It was funny.We didnt talk for a minute. Her hands were starting to warm up a little.Did he unfeignedly ask you to talk to me?I nodded. To talk some esthesis into you. Theres a battle thats muddled forward it starts.So why did you agree?I didnt answer. I wasnt sure I knew.I did have it off this every second I spent with her was only going to add to the pain I would have to suffer later. Like a junkie with a limited supply, the day of reckoning was coming for me. The more hits I took now, the harder it would be when my supply ran out.Itll work out, you know, she said after a quiet minute. I imagine that.That do me see red again. Is dementia one of your symptoms? I snapped.She laughed, though my anger was so real that my hands were shaking around hers.Maybe, she said. Tm not saying things testament work out easily, Jake. But how could I have lived through all that Ive lived through and not believe in magic by this point?Magic?Especially for you, she said. She was smiling. She pulled one of her hands out-of-door from mine and pressed it against my cheek. Warmer than before, exclusively it felt cool against my skin, like most things did. More than any(prenominal)one else, youve got some magic waiting to make things right for you.What are you babbling about?Still smiling. Edward told me once what it was like your act upon thing. He said it was like A Midsummer Nights Dream, like magic. Youll find who youre really looking for, Jacob, and maybe then all of thi s depart make sense.If she hadnt looked so fragile I wouldve been screaming.As it was, I did growl at her.If you think that imprinting could ever make sense of this insanity I struggled for linguistic process. Do you really think that just because I might someday imprint on some stranger it would make this right? I jabbed a finger toward her swollen body. Tell me what the point was then, Bella What was the point of me loving you? What was the point of you loving him? When you die the manner of speaking were a snarl how is that ever right again? Whats the point to all the pain? Mine, yours, his Youll despatch him, too, not that I care about that. She flinched, but I kept going. So what was thepoint of your twisted issue story, in the end? If there is any sense, please show me, Bella, because I dont see it.She sighed. I dont know yet, Jake. But I just feel that this is all going somewhere good, hard to see as it is now. I guess you could call it faith.Youre dying for nothing, Bella nonhingHer hand dropped from my face to her bloated stand up, caressed it. She didnt have to say the linguistic communication for me to know what she was thinking. She was dying for it.Im not going to die, she said through her teeth, and I could announce she was repeating things shed said before. I will keep my heart beating. Im soaked nice for that.Thats a load of crap, Bella. Youve been trying to keep up with the supernatural for too long. No normal person can do it. Youre not strong profuse. I took her face in my hand. I didnt have to re head myself to be gentle. Everything about her screamed breakable.I can do this. I can do this, she muttered, sounding a lot like that kids book about the little engine that could.Doesnt look like it to me. So whats your plan? I hope you have one.She nodded, not meeting my eyes. Did you know Esme jumped off a cliff? When she was gentlemans gentleman, I mean.So?So she was close enough to dead that they didnt even bother taking her to the emergency room they took her right around to the morgue. Her heart was free beating, though, when Carlisle found her___Thats what shed meant before, about keeping her heart beating.Youre not planning on surviving this human, I say dully.No. Im not stupid. She met my stare then. I guess you probably have your own opinion on that point, though.Emergency vampirization, I mumbled.It worked for Esme. And Emmett, and Rosalie, and even Edward. None of them were in such great shape. Carlisle only c come downed them because it was that or death. He doesnt end lives, he saves them.I felt a sudden twinge of guilt about the good vampire doctor, like before. I shoved the thought away and started in on the begging.Listen to me, Bells. Dont do it that way. Like before, when the call from Charlie had come, I could see how much difference it really make to me. I realized I needed her to stay alive, in some form. In any form. I took a deep breath. Dont wait until its too late, Bella. Not that way. Live. Okay? Just live. Dont do this to me. Dont do it to him. My voice got harder, louder. You know what hes going to do when you die. Youve seen it before. You want him to go back to those Italian bug outers? She cringed into the sofa.I go forth out the part about how that wouldnt be necessary this metre.Struggling to make my voice softer, I asked, Remember when I got m locomoted up by those newborns? What did you break me?I waited, but she wouldnt answer. She pressed her lips together.You told me to be good and listen to Carlisle, I reminded her. And what did I do? I listened to the vampire. Foryou.You listened because it was the right thing to do.Okay pick either reason.She took a deep breath. Its not the right thing now. Her gaze touched her big round stomach and she whispered chthonian her breath, I wont fling off him.My hands shook again. Oh, I hadnt heard the great countersign. A bouncing baby boy, huh? Shoulda brought some blueballoons.Her face turned pink. The color was so beautiful it twisted in my stomach like a knife. A serrated knife, rusty and ragged.I was going to lose this. Again.I dont know hes a boy, she admitted, a little sheepish. The ultrasound wouldnt work. The membrane around the baby is too hard like their skin. So hes a little mystery. But I always see a boy in my head.Its not some charming baby in there, Bella.Well see, she said. Almost smug.You wont, I snarled.Youre very pessimistic, Jacob. There is definitely a chance that I might walk away from this.I couldnt answer. I looked down and breathed deep and slow, trying to get a grip on my fury.Jake, she said, and she patted my hair, stroked my cheek. Its going to be okay. Shh. its okay.I didnt look up. No. It will not be okay.She wiped something wet from my cheek. Shh.Whats the deal, Bella? I stared at the pale carpet. My bare feet were dirty, leaving smudges. Good. I thought the wholly point was that you precious your vampire more than anything. And now youre just gi ving him up? That doesnt make any sense. Since when are you desperate to be a mom? If you wanted that so much, why did you marry a vampire?I was dangerously close to that offer he wanted me to make. I could see the words taking me that way, but I couldnt change their direction.She sighed. Its not like that. I didnt really care about having a baby. I didnt even think about it. Its not just having a baby. Its well this baby.Its a killer, Bella. Look at yourself.Hes not. Its me. Im just weak and human. But I can tough this out, Jake, I can Aw, come on Shut up, Bella. You can spout this crap to your gillyflowersucker, but youre not fooling me. You know youre not going to make it.She glared at me. I do not know that. Im worried about it, sure.Worriedabout it, I repeated through my teeth.She gasped then and clutched at her stomach. My fury vanished like a light strike being turned off.Im fine, she panted. Its nothing.But I didnt hear her hands had pulled her sweatshirt to the side, and I stared, horrified, at the skin it exposed. Her stomach looked like it was stained with big splotches of purple-black ink.She saw my stare, and she yanked the fabric back in place.Hes strong, thats all, she said defensively.The ink floater were bruises.I or so gagged, and I understood what hed said, about watching it hurt her. Suddenly, I felt a little crazy myself.Bella, I said.She heard the change in my voice. She looked up, still breathing large(p), her eyes confused.Bella, dont do thisJake Listen to me. Dont get your back up yet. Okay? Just listen. What if ?What if what?What if this wasnt a one-shot deal? What if it wasnt all or nothing? What if you just listened to Carlisle like a good girl, and kept yourself alive?I wont Im not through with(p) yet. So you stay alive. Then you can start over. This didnt work out. Try again.She frowned. She raised one hand and touched the place where my eyebrows were mashing together. Her fingers smoothed my forehead for a moment while she tried to make sense of it.I dont understand. What do you mean, try again? You cant think Edward would let me ? And what difference would it make? Im sure any baby Yes, I snapped. every kid of his would be the same.Her tired face just got more confused. What?But I couldnt say any more. There was no point. I would never be able to save her from herself. Id never been able to do that.Then she blinked, and I could see she got it.Oh. Ugh. Please, Jacob. You think I should kill my baby and replace it with some generic substitute? Artificial insemination? She was mad now. Why would I want to have some strangers baby? I suppose it just doesnt make a difference? Any baby will do?I didnt mean that, I muttered. Not a stranger.She leaned forward. Then what are you saying?Nothing. Im saying nothing. surface-to-air missilee as ever.Where did that come from?Forget it, Bella.She frowned, suspicious. Did he tell you to say that? I hesitated, surprised that shed made that leap so quick. No.He di d, didnt he?No, really. He didnt say anything about artificial whatever.Her face softened then, and she sank back against the pillows, looking exhausted. She stared off to the side when she spoke, not talking to me at all. He would do anything forme. And Im hurting him so much. But what is he thinking? That I would barter this her hand traced crosswise her belly for some strangers She mumbled the last part, and then her voice trailed off. Her eyes were wet.You dont have to hurt him, I whispered. It burned like poison in my mouth to beg for him, but I knew this angle was probably my best bet for keeping her alive. Still a thousand-to-one odds. You could make him happy again, Bella. And I really think hes losing it. Honestly, I do.She didnt seem to be listening her hand made small circles on her battered stomach while she chewed on her lip. It was quiet for a long clock cartridge holder. I wondered if the Cullens were very far away. Were they listening to my pathetic attempts t o reason with her?Not a stranger? she murmured to herself. I flinched. What exactly did Edward say to you? she asked in a low voice.Nothing. He just thought you might listen to me.Not that. About trying again.Her eyes locked on mine, and I could see that Id already given too much away.Nothing.Her mouth fell open a little. Wow.It was silent for a few heartbeats. I looked down at my feet again, unable to meet her stare.He really would do anything, wouldnt he? she whispered.I told you he was going crazy. Literally, Bells.Im surprised you didnt tell on him right away. Get him in trouble.When I looked up, she was grinning.Thought about it. I tried to grin back, but I could feel the smile mangle on my face.She knew what I was offering, and she wasnt going to think twice about it. Id cognise that she wouldnt. But it still stung.There isnt much you wouldnt do for me, either, is there? she whispered. I really dont know why you bother. I dont deserve either of you.It makes no difference, tho ugh, does it?Not this time. She sighed. I wish I could explain it to you right so that you would understand. I cant hurthim she pointed to her stomach any more than I could pick up a poor boy and shoot you. I love him.Why do you always have to love the wrong things, Bella?I dont think I do.I cleared the lump out of my throat so that I could make my voice hard like I wanted it. Trust me.I started to get to my feet.Where are you going?Im not doing any good here.She held out her thin hand, pleading. Dont go.I could feel the addiction sucking at me, trying to keep me near her.I dont belong here. Ive got to get back.Why did you come today? she asked, still reaching limply.Just to see if you were really alive. I didnt believe you were sick like Charlie said.I couldnt tell from her face whether she bought that or not.Will you come back again? Before Im not going to hang around and watch you die,Bella.She flinched. Youre right, youre right. You should go.I headed for the door.Bye, she wh ispered behind me. Love you, Jake.I almost went back. I almost turned around and fell down on my knees and started begging again. But I knew that I had to haltBella, quit her cold turkey, before she killed me, like she was going to kill him.Sure, sure, I mumbled on my way out.I didnt see any of the vampires. I ignored my bike, standing all alone in the middle of the meadow. It wasnt fast enough for me now. My dad would be freaked out Sam, too. What would the drove make of the fact that they hadnt heard me phase? Would they think the Cullens got me before Id had the chance? I stripped down, not caring who might be watching, and started running. I blurred into wolf mid-stride.They were waiting. Of course they were.Jacob, Jake,eight voices chorused in relief.Come homenow, the Alpha voice ordered. Sam was furious.I felt Paul authorise out, and i knew Billy and Rachel were waiting to hear what had happened to me. Paul was too anxious to give them the good news that I wasnt vampire ch ow to listen to the unharmed story.I didnt have to tell the persuade I was on my way they could see the forest blurring past me as I sprinted for home. I didnt have to tell them that I was half-past crazy, either. The sickness in my head was obvious.They saw all the horror Bellas mottled stomach her cranky voice hes strong, thats all the burning man in Edwards face watching her sicken and waste away seeing it hurting her, Rosalie crouched over Bellas limp body Bellas life means nothing to her and for once, no one had anything to say.Their shock was just a silent shout in my head. Wordless.I was halfway home before anyone re wipeed. Then they all started running to meet me.It was almost dark the clouds covered the sunset completely. I risked darting across the freeway and made it without being seen.We met up about ten miles out of La Push, in a clearing left by the loggers. It was out of the way, wedged between two spurs of the mountain, where no one would see us. Paul found t hem when I did, so the pack was complete.The babble in my head was total chaos. Everyone yelling at once.Sams hackles were sticking straight up, and he was growling in an unbroken stream as he paced back and forth around the top of the ring. Paul and Jared moved like shadows behind him, their ears smooth against the sides of their head. The whole circle was agitated, on their feet and snarling in low bursts.At first their anger was undefined, and I thought I was in for it. I was too messed up to care about that. They could do whatever they wanted to me for circumventing orders.And then the unfocused confusion of thoughts began to move together.How can this be? What does it mean? What will it be?Not safe. Not right. Dangerous.Unnatural. Monstrous. An abomination.We cant allow it.The pack was pacing in synchronization now, thinking in synchronization, all but myself and one other. I sat beside whichever brother it was, too dazed to look over with either my eyes or my mind and see wh o was next to me, while the pack circled around us.The conformity does not cover this.This puts everyone in danger.I tried to understand the spiraling voices, tried to follow the curling pathway the thoughts made to see where they were leading, but it wasnt making sense. The pictures in the center of their thoughts were my pictures the very worst of them. Bellas bruises, Edwards face as he burned.They fear it, too.But they wont do anything about itProtecting Bella Swan.We cant let that influence us.The safety of our families, of everyone here, is more master(prenominal) than one human.If they wont kill it, we have to.Protect the people.Protect our families.We have to kill it before its too late. other of my memories, Edwards words this time The thing is growing. Swiftly.I struggled to focus, to pick out individual voices.No time to waste,Jared thought.It will mean a fight,Embry cautioned. A bad one.Were ready,Paul insisted.Well need surprise on our side,Sam thought.If we catch th em divided, we can take them down separately. It will increase our chances of victory, Jared thought, starting to strategize now.I shook my head, rising slowly to my feet. 1 felt unsteady there like the circling wolves were making me dizzy. The wolf beside me got up, too. His shoulder pushed against mine, propping me up.Wait,I thought.The circling paused for one beat, and then they were pacing again.Theres little time,Sam said.But what are you thinking? You wouldnt tone-beginning them for breaking the treaty this afternoon. Now youre planning an ambush, when the treaty is still intact?This is not something our treaty anticipated,Sam said. This is a danger to every human in the area. We dont know what kind of putz the Cullens have bred, but we know that it is strong and fast-growing. And it will be too new-fangled to follow any treaty. Remember the newborn vampires we fought? Wild, violent, beyond the reach of reason or restraint. Imagine one like that, but protected by the Cull ens.We dont know I tried to interrupt.Wedont know, he agreed. And we cant take chances with the unidentified in this case. We can only allow the Cullens to exist while were absolutely sure that they can be trusted not to cause harm. This. . . thing cannot be trusted.They dont like it any more than we do.Sam pulled Rosalies face, her protective crouch, from my mind and put it on display for everyone.Some are ready to fight for it, no occasion what it is.Its just ababy, for crying out loud.Not for long,Leah whispered.Jake, buddy, this is a big problem,Quil said. We cant just ignore it.Youre making it into something big than it is,I argued. The only one whos in danger here is Bella.Again by her own choice,Sam said. But this time her choice affects us all.I dont think so.We cant take that chance. We wont allow a blood drinker to run away on our lands.Then tell them to leave,the wolf who was still supporting me said. It was circle. Of course.And inflict the menace on others? When blood drinkers cross our land, we destroy them, no matter where they plan to hunt. We protect everyone we can.This is crazy,I said. This afternoon you were afraid to put the pack in danger.This afternoon I didnt know our families were at risk.I cant believe this Howre you going to kill this creature without killing Bella?There were no words, but the silence was full of meaning.I howled. Shes human, too Doesnt our protection impart to her?Shes dying anyway,Leah thought. Well just shorten the process.That did it. I leaped away from Seth, toward his sister, with my teeth bared. I was about to catch her left hind leg when I felt Sams teeth cut into my flank, dragging me back.I howled in pain and fury and turned on him.Stophe ordered in the double timbre of the Alpha.My legs seemed to collapse under me. I jerked to a halt, only managing to keep on my feet by sheer willpower.He turned his gaze away from me. You will not be cruel to him, Leah, he commanded her. Bellas sacrifice is a heav y price, and we will all recognize that It is against everything we stand for to take a human life. Making an exception to that work out is a bleak thing. We will all mourn for what we do tonight.Tonight?Seth repeated, shocked. Sam think we should talk about this some more. Consult with the Elders, at least. You cant seriously mean for us to We cant afford your valuation reserve for the Cullens now. There is no time for debate. Youwilldo as you are told, Seth.SetfYs front knees folded, and his head fell forward under the weight of the Alphas command.Sam paced in a tight circle around the two of us.We need the whole pack for this. Jacob, you are our strongest fighter. Youwillfight with us tonight. I understand that this is hard for you, so you will concentrate on their fighters Emmett and Jasper Cullen. You dont have to be involved with the other part. Quil and Embry will fight with you.My knees trembled I struggled to hold myself upright while the voice of the Alpha lashed at my will.Paul, Jared, and I will take on Edward and Rosalie. I think, from the information Jacob has brought us, they will be the ones guarding Bella. Carlisle and Alice will also be close, possibly Esme. Brady, Collin,Seth, and Leah will concentrate on them. Whoever has a clear lineon we all heard him mentally stutter overBellas name the creature will take it. Destroying the creature is our first priority.The pack rumbled in nervous agreement.The tension had everyones fur standing on end. The pacing was quicker, and the sound of the paws against the brackish floor was sharper, toenails tearing into the soil.Only Seth and I were still, the eye in the center of a behave of bared teeth and flattened ears. Seths nose was almost touching the ground, bowed under Sams commands. I felt his pain at the coming disloyalty. For him this was a betrayal during that one day of alliance, fighting beside Edward Cullen, Seth had rightfully become the vampires friend.There was no resistance in him , however. He would obey no matter how much it hurt him. He had no otherchoice.And what choice did I have? When the Alpha spoke, the pack followed.Sam had never pushed his authority this far before I knew he honestly hated to see Seth kneeling before him like a slave at the foot of his master. He wouldnt force this if he didnt believe that he had no other choice. He couldnt lie to us when we were linked mind to mind like this. He really believed it was our duty to destroy Bella and the monster she carried. He really believed we had no time to waste. He believed it enough to die for it.I saw that he would face Edward himself Edwards ability to read our thoughts made him the greatest threat in Sams mind. Sam would not let someone else take on that danger.He saw Jasper as the second-greatest opponent, which is why hed given him to me. He knew that I had the best chance of any of the pack to win that fight. Hed left the easiest targets for the younger wolves and Leah. Little Alice was n o danger without her future vision to guide her, and we knew from our time of alliance that Esme was not a fighter. Carlisle would be more of a challenge, but his hatred of violence would halter him.I felt sicker than Seth as I watched Sam plan it out, trying to work the angles to give each member of the pack the best chance of survival.Everything was inside out. This afternoon, Id been chomping at the bit to attack them. But Seth had been right it wasnt a fight Id been ready for. Id blinded myself with that hate. I hadnt let myself look at it carefully, because I must have known what I would see if I did.Carlisle Cullen. Looking at him without that hate clouding my eyes, I couldnt deny that killing him was murder. He was good. Good as any human we protected. Maybe better. The others, too, I supposed, but I didnt feel as strongly about them. I didnt know them as well. It was Carlisle who would hate fighting back, even to save his own life. Thats why we would be able to kill him b ecause he wouldnt want us, his enemies, to die.This was wrong.And it wasnt just because killing Bella felt like killing me, like suicide.Pull it together, Jacob,Sam ordered. The tribe comes firstI was wrong today, Sam.Your reasons were wrong then. But now we have a duty to fulfill.I braced myself. No.Sam snarled and stopped pacing in front of me. He stared into my eyes and a deep growl slid between his teeth.Yes,the Alpha decreed, his double voice blistering with the heat of his authority. There are no loopholes tonight. You, Jacob, are going to fight the Cullens with us. You, with Quil and Embry, will take care of Jasper and Emmett. You are cause to protect the tribe. That is why you exist. You willperform this obligation.My shoulders hunched as the edict crushed me. My legs collapsed, and I was on my belly under him.No member of the pack could refuse the Alpha.