Women And Men

It has become a troubling cliche that women feel unavoidably attracted to men who ar completely wrong for them. This leads to separate overarching platitudes that soak our social interactions. All men are pigs. Nice guy ropes finish last. The frustration over these seemingly lowering absolutes builds and builds until it bursts in a flurry of Cosmo quizzes. Whats going on, and can it be remedied?You all know someone whos been affected by this paradox, and probably have encountered it sometime yourselves. A friend of mine recently had her birthday ruined by her boyfriend. He accompanied her and many of her friends on a trip to fast one Mountain. After disappearing for hours, she finally found him. He was asleep in her car in the lay lot, which he had broken into in order to nap inside, the ideal resting place. His only present to her was a card. They are still together today.I couldnt have written a more ridiculous scenario myself. (Well, I could, retributive it would involv e a lobster playing trombone.) Are women attracted to guys like this because somehow the qualities of meanness and insensitivity are inherently desirable?The answer is no. Granted, there is a positive correlation between the period of a males lack of compassion and his ability to engender the attention of the opposite sex, but as any of you know who have taken a statistics course, a correlation does non read causation. There is an underlying factor that produces this result.That factor is power. What women seek is someone who is powerful, who can control any touch and make things go his way. From an evolutionary standpoint, this means women are far more likely to be attracted to the guy who kills the charging lion than the guy who paints one on the cave wall.If there is one thing that jerks certainly have, it is power. Women comprehend them as having great security and influence. What they often fail to notice is that this power is derived through meanness and selfishness. Conv ersely, forgivingness and selflessness are perceived as signs of weakness.I do not recommend, however, that women try to find relieve in the arms of the spineless.Spineless raft arent necessarily kind. They simply possess too much cowardice to act on their angry impulses. Kindness is not the absence of malice rather, it is the active pursuit of the satiation of the needs of others above ones own.It takes far greater strength to pursue good sooner of evil, as the odds are stacked against the good. A jerk demonstrates his strength by dominating other males through force and/or humiliation. A kind man go away be far subtler. My gramps once gave me some advice on the subject. He said, A great man doesnt tell people how great he is. If he is truly great, then they ordain know it.Clearly something separates the boys from the men, but how to narrow that separation? Rudyard Kipling comes fairly close in his poem, If. I leave it to you to read it it will be twain minutes well spe nt. When it comes to how a male treats a woman, I have found a comment that seems to distinguish the mature from the immature.A boy sees his woman as a treasure. She is beautiful, charming, intelligent, etc. The boy will recognize all of these positive attributes as valuable, and therefore worth preserving through his best efforts. He does not love her for herself, only for how she makes him feel about himself.A man will treasure his woman. He will cherish her, support her, and devote the best fibers of his being to her. This is based on sacrifice and love, rather than on possession.A treasure, noun, is an object worth keeping. But a relationship should not be a museum in which a male showcases his best piece. To treasure, a verb, implies upkeep and care, dedication and perseverance, love and honor. This is surely the measure of a man.In trying to avoid sub-standard men, women often reach into another relationship sand trap, the older man. By older, I refer to an age they should b e together. At the same time, our wants must be tempered with cognizance. The enough of fish in the sea metaphor still applies to the beginning of a relationship. Squeeze a fewer tomatoes before you pick one out.Most of us arent out there looking for husbands and wives just yet, so perhaps it is adaptive that the qualities that make a good spouse are not those we necessarily value in a college relationship. On the other hand, high school is over, so perhaps its time for the homo erectus in the varsity jacket to say goodbye.I find it disheartening that women, want powerful men, would rather date Lex Luthor than Superman, or at least are more likely to fall for Luthor initially. Of course, not all guys fit neatly into the categories of heroes and villains.In truth, we are neither. Ladies, give us the litmus run for selfishness. A man should be a pillar of strength to his woman, but he should be do of something warmer than cold stone.